II. The Road to Spring :: Building Community

Welcome to the Quarterly Check In !

In an effort to cultivate these potentially difficult conversations about goals, manifestations, edits, and revisions in the physical, it is my intention to rework this sense of accountability into the framework of honeybee. This past season has been... difficult. I have experienced losses on many levels and am now working on rewiring my brain into a new reality. Which is fine, just taxing due to the unexpected nature.

We will take this back to December. It was a rainy Monday in New York City as fore mentioned in my previous post. I was in ceremony with Ashley speaking to the first person about this venture. She reminded me that the pathway of the bee is one of community; and when it is time I will integrate this system into my community. What I did not expect was for the call to come so soon after her birth in January. The call came through deeply two weeks after our opening portal. A divine ushering in the wake of the inauguration.

I went into the city to get art supplies and made an afternoon of it. I ended up by the water ( as i always tend to do) with a latte and an issue of the Baltimore Banner to sift through. This edition had sections entitled "Know Your Rights" which made me cry due to my impending period, the sanctity of the resource, and the people who need it. I got some cds for my car in an effort to reduce streaming. And ran into my other friend coincidentally named Ashley and caught up. I left the city feeling refreshed from being in open and accepting spaces with LGBTQ+ flags marking them.

I started getting overstimultated by the television when taking care of my gma so I got a radio. The radio is a nice change of pace between its advertisements for community events, playing censored songs for elder ears and playing songs I forget existed. We also started going to the library. We collectively have found that she loves looking through picture books and taking rides in the car. The library is perfect in many ways. The first being an activity to do during the day, the second being a natural cycle if books so she does not get bored of them.

I ended up at a funeral in a firehouse; another community center. During which the chief spoke about how difficult it is to find people willing to serve for a long term. And I sat there and cried. I am a baby so it being a funeral my emotions were already running high. I sat next to my father who was also a fire fighter in his youth. Something he really loved and cherished. When the chief spoke I cried for our communities. That are starving for connection. In this day and age of baited algorithms playing on our emotional centers it is an act of rebellion to commune, to serve, to be whole. We are constantly being pushed to separate, to isolate and alienate from each other. These protected institutions are the back bone for our future.

In times of great dismantling and uncertainty we must come together. I have been watching how my friends and family move through the world and how they form connection with others. My father will strike up a conversation with anyone. He asks questions and seeks answers. He once told me that everyday you have an opportunity to talk to someone or go somewhere and learn something new. These doors many not go anywhere or they may take you to the next step. That is a gift. My step mom will say hello or good morning to everyone she comes across. Sometimes this can get to be a little much but when walking into an elevator; why is scary to say something to other people in there? Why is it annoying to spread kindness or seek connection? At least she is trying to bring light into the realm. My friend Katie will draw someone across the bar and make their entire night. She spreads joy and is a magnet to others.

I am blessed and honored to be able to be surrounded by people who make a different. People who offer a bridge to joy/ a safe place to land. This spring has brought an immense amount of growing pains and lessons I wasn't ready to face. But here I am feeding little libraries with books, listening to the radio, chain smoking cigarettes to ease my heart center, exploring and laughing with my friends, and just trying to work through a lot of fear.

Fear I did not realize I carried. Fear of being seen, of being loved, of being forgotten. A lot of heavy emotions, a lot of grief, and a lot of heartache have taken up my time. I've been ruminating and noticing patterns of behavior. I've been terrified of the future. But I have found comfort in the rhythm of time. I have the sea turtle spirit animal around me. I have beautiful friends and family who I am so grateful for their continued love and support. I have my spirituality and I have myself. I have realized that my fear of abandonment is displaced. That in times of distress I am actually abandoning myself. So, we are working on holding space for that triggered insecure child in me and showing up for what I need. I do not understand the cost of all that I have lost in the past 4 months. But I know that this reality was necessary to be able to see clearly.

I wish things were different-- I understand the lessons behind me and now I just have to deal with it. Lucky for me I have some help this time around. I was not able to work on my offerings for this season as much as I had hoped at the beginning. It is my goal to have enough products by the end of the summer (this next portal) to be able to start vending at shows and fairs and step further into my activation. I am currently looking into classes to continue expanding my portfolio and I am looking toward the future with bright eyes and bushy tail. So for anyone who has been hurting or confused or lost. Please know I am here for you and I wish you well.

There is more I'd like to write about my travels through april and soul activations.. alas I will leave this here.

Cheers to ushers of spring. To Perspehone as she returns to her mother. To kali for her dance and heartbeat, to santa meurte, to the gnomes and little folk who tend to the earth, to the sleeping giants, and navel points, to travel, expansion, luck and love.

As we move closer to the impending inferno of July many blessings and with love. I will see you in September.

xoxo

Melissa

my sister and i in Hawai'i <3